Ask: Struggling With a Low Self Esteem

By | June 18, 2010

Hi I have a huge problem with my self esteem. It’s very low and it has been that way since I was about 12 years of age. The main problem that I am having is the fact that I can’t see the other person in the mirror and I am having a hard time accepting myself as the way I am. Can you help me out with this situation?

-Mary

Dear Mary,

Thanks for your question and the issue of self esteem is one that many people struggle with both young and old alike. I advise people who are concerned with their self esteem to start by doing a self talk assessment. Get a notebook and write down everything negative you think about yourself through out the day. These are those little voices that whisper things like “I’m so stupid”, “I’m so fat”, “I’m so ugly” etc.

After you have done this for a couple days, you then need to evaluate the list. If you could bring a close friend, a school counselor, or an adult you trust to help you with this part that would be great. Look at each statement with the person and together decide if these statements are really true about you.

I assure you that the majority won’t be true but because you’ve been telling yourself these things for so long, you now believe them about yourself which effects your self esteem.

Now make a list of true statements about yourself and learn how to speak the truth about yourself through out your day. When a negative thought arises, tell yourself “no, that’s a lie, this is what’s true”. Soon this will start to become habit and the negative thoughts will diminish. In return you’ll gain a much healthier self esteem.

This process takes time and it will be tough at times, but only by confronting and eliminating negative self-talk will self esteem begin to improve.

All the best,

Ted

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