Tired of Being Depressed, Worried, and Angry

I have been a very withdrawn person as far back as I can remember. I have been told I always have this sense of “worry” on my face and people always ask me if I’m okay even when I feel fine. I’ve had friends and close relatives that I laughed and played with growing up, family who has been there for me to talk to and loved me unconditionally no matter the circumstance, but when alone, I always felt alone. I have always been insecure with very low self esteem about my outside appearance with being overweight.

Nonetheless, I went through life just making it, but never REALLY happy even in my career choices. I quit every job I get and every profession or schooling I choose to get into because I get bored and feel like it’s not for me. I feel lost. I am 25 yrs old now with a 6 year old daughter from a 10 year abusive relationship with her father that made me feel even more unworthy as a woman. He verbally abused me constantly and used me for my good heart in turn making others believe I was “crazy” whenever I lashed out over his treatment towards me. I found the strength somehow to leave him after meeting a wonderful man who I have been with for almost a year now and am 5 months pregnant with his child.

I am deeply in love with him and want to spend the rest of my life with him and I’m almost positive he feels the same because he’s communicated it to me more than once. I’m happy in our relationship, but am not happy with myself still and it makes him not want to be around me sometimes and I’m afraid I will lose him. I thought finding a great man would make me happy, but it didn’t. I still have those depressing feelings and worry that he will leave me or is cheating on me. I constantly worry about bills and finances and how we’re going to make it on the little that we have. I always think about the past and my deadbeat father who doesn’t even acknowledge me half the time as well as all the other issues I have within myself or about my past that I just will not let go.

I sleep all the time now (more so because I’m pregnant) but would rather be alone than around anyone, but my boyfriend. I’m worried that my depression will affect my unborn child more than anything and I don’t know how to just NOT WORRY. I don’t know how to be happy and I think it’s because I don’t have faith in anything or anyone. I wasn’t brought up in church or in any type of religion, nor have any spiritual guidance. I know inside of me I am a happy person. I love to laugh and I couldn’t physically hurt another human being if I tried. I know I’m a good person, but something is holding me back from shining like I know I can. Please help me find peace and be happy in life no matter what might be going on to bring me down. I don’t want to be unhappy anymore.

-Monet

Dear Monet,

Thanks for taking the time to describe what’s going on in your life. I think it’s great that you were able to get out of an abusive relationship and find someone that really loves you and respects you. Many women can never seem to break from the abusive cycle.

I’ve probably told this to people a thousand times, but it’s so true. You can’t be happy with someone else unless you are first happy with yourself. People can never “make” us happy  and we have to find peace and contentment within ourselves.  I think that is one of the best parts about religion or faith as it teaches us that we have value and worth just because we exist, no matter what anyone else thinks or apart from how anyone else treats us. To know that we are loved by the creator of the universe as we are and for who we are brings about a lot of peace. At least this is true for me.

I really think that you should consider going to weekly counseling with a therapist that specializes in CBT or REBT therapy. I think you’ll find that this will do wonders for improving how you view yourself and the world around you. It basically teaches you to recognize the lies that you have come to believe about yourself and the world, teaches what the truth is, and then teaches you how to start living according to the truth about yourself and others.

You really owe it to yourself, your children, and your husband to sort out these issue as it will greatly increase the quality of life everyone in your household will experience without this negative energy always being present above or just under the surface. Life is a beautiful journey, but to enjoy the journey it is vital that we learn to discover and love ourselves along the way.

Kindest regards,

Ted