I Make Bad Decisions

I really just need to talk to an outside party about this. I am a generally good person but it seems I am notorious for making bad decisions. I cheated on my true love, dumped him after 7 years together mostly because I was scared but also because we cheated on each other, quit a job that had many possibilities for one that looked solid only to be laid off from that job anyway and a few more.

I’m also overweight because I use food to stifle my emotions & have no self-control. I am going to be 27 and I regret every major decision I’ve ever made.

I have been dating a guy for almost 3 years now who I thought was wonderful. He’s bright, charming, witty, active, etc. I love his friends too, they’re a great group of people & I love doing things with him like skiing, hiking, camping, playing sports, etc.

However, things just haven’t felt right. Like I said, I have been cheated on in the past & find it hard to trust men. I did some online snooping (I couldn’t help it) & found out that he made a profile on this website for people in relationships who want to have affairs. I also was able to get into his account to see what he was up to. At first, I thought it was just his curiosity, to see what the site was about, but then I noticed he’s been filling in more details about what he wants/dislikes, and soliciting pictures from some female users on the site.

I don’t know what to do. I am completely crushed at this point, I feel completely worthless & like I deserve this for all the things I’ve done. I feel disgusting, I can’t look at him without choking up, but I don’t know what to say to him. He’s asked me a few times to move in with him but financially neither of us can afford it, we used to dream about the day we could. I guess I thought we meant more to each other than we do. I don’t want to lose him as an activity partner, or a lover, but I feel so unwanted & beat down… I just don’t know what to do at this point. Do I wait for him to dump me or cheat on me? Please help. I am so good at making the wrong decision that I need advice on this one.

-Diana