Ask a Counselor: What To Do About An Abusive Boyfriend?

I’ve been in a relationship for the past 2.5 years. Me and my boyfriend had a good relationship and we both love each other very much. He told his dad about me and his dad was pretty ok about me. When I told my mum about my relationship, she didn’t agree with it and is completely against me marrying him. I haven’t told my dad about my relationship yet. Now my boyfriend is pressuring me to tell my dad as soon as possible about our relationship. I told him that it will take some time since my parents are very hot-tempered.

-Sad Soul

Dear Sad Soul,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us and it sounds like you have some important decisions to make. A couple things send up some red flags for me.

I think your boyfriend has some of the warning signs of a partner that will become very abusive. Since he has already shown you this side even while just dating, it usually only gets worse unfortunately. Also the fact that he wants you to disregard what your parents think is another trait of an abuser. They try to isolate their victim from those that care about them so the victim feels the abuser is all they have.

I would advise that you really think long and hard about staying with this guy. I know you love him, but sometimes love isn’t enough. We also have to have respect, safety, and value in relationships for them to thrive and true love really contains all of those things. You can get out of this easily as you aren’t married to him yet. If you wait until you are married it will be much harder to leave.

You can ask him to get help for his temper/abuse but I doubt he will admit he has a problem. If he does choose to go for counseling, then don’t move forward with marriage plans until you are sure he has changed and understands the reasons he treated you the way he did.

I wish you all the best and never settle for anything but the best for your life.

Kind regards,

Ted