Why Am I Starving for Love and Do all Men Cheat?

Hello,  I’m 16 years old and I always worry about guys cheating on me. I just want to be happy and be a teenager and not worry about love so much, but that’s all I ever think about 24/7. It’s a habit.

I always daydream about guys cheating on me and I always try to seek love. If I even talk to a guy, I always think to myself ”maybe he’s the one for me”.  A guy can do one nice thing for me and I can get emotionally attached very quickly or think that maybe he’s the one.

I have EXTREME trust issues. I haven’t been in many relationships at all, but I just think that all guys will either cheat on me or talk or flirt with other females. I feel that even if I’m going with a guy, he may see someone that looks better than me and then go after her or think she’s pretty or maybe even talk to them behind my back.

I mean I always seek to find love for some odd reason. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I WANT/NEED love so BADLY??? I mean, I have no clue. Is this a problem? I mean I haven’t been in many relationships to have these trust issues. I just know that I have  found out that my father used to always cheat on my mother before he died. I loved him deeply with all of my heart and I still do. Could this be part of my problem why I have these extreme trust issues?

I don’t believe anyone at all but myself. And that’s it. There are even times when I’m deeply depressed with myself and I feel so DOWN at times if I even think about the thought of someone hurting me in a relationship. I just can’t stand the thought of someone cheating on me. I don’t know how I would cope with it.

I’m very unhappy. I need help, what is my problem? How do I know when I have found the right one? Does a good man even cheat? I’m confused. Why do I seek love of the time, when I’am so young? Why do I seek it if I feel that every dude is going to cheat on me, if not in the beginning of the relationship, then later on down the line then he may.

-Andrea

Dear Andrea,

Thanks for sharing your problem with me. First of all, I think it’s quite normal for a teenage girl to spend a lot of time thinking about boys and being in love. This is a normal part of growing up. However, I think a few things that have happened in your life have caused this to be a little distorted and perhaps a little more intense than normal.

First, you are seeking love from a guy so badly as a substitute for your father. A girl really needs her father’s love and adoration. Since he died, you obviously feel a huge void in your life. You try to fill this void by seeking the love and approval of boys. This can be dangerous because it can cause you to make bad decisions if a guy is nice to you and wants you to do things you aren’t ready to do. Many guys out there will take advantage of a girl who is so starved for love, so be careful.

I think that you need to recognize this as a problem and then to begin seeking love in healthier ways.  Understanding why you feel a certain way can make a big difference.

Secondly, I think that you loved your dad so much and thought very highly of him. So if a guy like him could cheat then you assume that all guys must cheat. This just isn’t true. While there are many guys that do cheat, there are also many who are faithful. You have to start learning to see guys as themselves not as your father.

I think that you should focus on your friends and focus on establishing good friendships with guys. Get to know guys for who they are as a person before you decide to “date” them. You are young and “the one” is probably a long way down the road, even if there is such a thing. Just focus on having fun and not about such serious committed relationships. These should be reserved for later in your life anyway. At your age you need to hang out with lots of different guys and girls and just enjoy the freedom life has afforded you. There’s plenty of life left to be in serious committed relationships.

All the best,

Ted