Why Do I Choose the Wrong Guys?

By | March 25, 2011

I need help. I keep letting guy’s take control of my life, when they don’t get what they want, they have a fit then I give in. How can I stop this from happening? I have been in violent relationships before and I’m scared.

-Nina

Dear Nina,

Thanks for writing and I think many woman struggle with this issue. I believe that this happens because of two things that work in conjunction with one another.

I think within every women there is a need to nurture and even sacrifice to please and take care of others. This isn’t a bad thing as it’s nature’s way of making sure a woman takes care of their baby so the species can survive. However, this becomes dangerous when a woman doesn’t have enough self worth and self respect because then men and others are able to take advantage of a woman’s giving, nurturing, self sacrificing nature by controlling them.

I would recommend that you spend some time out of a relationship and explore the reason’s that would cause you to not respect yourself or believe in yourself enough to not let anyone else control you or run your life. Also you need to learn that you are strong enough and talented enough to make it on your own without any man. You can never be truly happy with someone else until you’re first happy with yourself. Perhaps a counselor that you could see weekly would help you sort through these issues.

In any event, I think it’s vital to your future to learn to love yourself and also learn how to spot the jerks from the get go.  Women encounter guys that are users and abusers everyday and some woman can sense this in a guy very quickly and have nothing to do with the jerk. Other women such as yourself aren’t as good at spotting them early and because of the above reasons let them in and bond with them. Once a woman allows herself to bond with such a guy, it is extremely hard for her to let go. So you have to learn not to bond with such men.

Once you have learned to be a strong independent woman, who loves and respects herself, you won’t be vulnerable to the advances of the many loser guys that are out there.

Kind regards,

Ted

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